i swear it never adds up...

...not even the afternoon and i fight with my roomie...i have been off and i felt this coming between us... this arguement this little case of the bullshit....this all came about because HER dog pooped in the room and i didnt clean it up first off not my responsibility and when i left there was no poop anywhere to be found im not gonna stop my life for her er that damn dog ...so i dont have a job and we had an agreement that i would clean the house and yeah look after her dog put food in the house i do all those things this is the first time i have not picked up shit.... she never did even before i came ..she stopped going to school ..im such a good friend to her she lis to me dicks me over does shit behind my back ...im never at that damn house and she says i dont care ...too bad i care more about that stioopid house then she ever did ..its nasty when im not there and smells .... i do what i can fer this girl i look fer jobs and shit to help myself but nothing is budging er coming my way ....i feel like the world is against me ... my ex can move on and have agf with in the 2nd week of us breaking up fer good and be fine .. and then she lies about my cats and i have no idea where they are at ...i have so much shit going on i feel its soo heavy ... i have been off and this is all why ...the girl i liked scared herself off .... i get kicked outta my house over bs..... ugh i feel like i have nothing ...i trust in the universe but sometimes get so heavy on me idk what else to do but cry and think pessimistic cause of all the shit going around me at once...it never stops ..my sister is about to have a baby in july she hates where she lives i hate when she tells me she is being mistreated er someone hurting her and im the big sister and im supposed to look out fer her and i cant even look out fer myself :// i feel uselss like a bum a failure nothing a big nobody ... i want someone to be there i want a lover ..but how can i offer them anything when i have nothing ....but back to what i was saying my roomate is selfish she cares about no one but herself .... she lies she is deceitful ...then again she is only 19 ... she stopped going to school she is a "lesbian" and having sex with random guys lies to people i care about she sits and talks about all my friends cause no one likes her she is very immature ..ugh im moving forward anyways ..like the words of a wise friend " maybe this is supposed to happen a closed chapter a  new one is coming and there is no need fer her or that house "...maybe she is right ...maybe things are about to get wonderful for me and im gonna have a place to stay someone is gonna work with m eon getting a job ..goin back to school getting my license getting my shit right ..and ill be happy... this is a blessing in disguise ?..i dont see it as of yet but im sure it will play out in time ,.....PATIENCE comes into play ...i feel its been too long fer me to not be working or having someone or just anything...and well maybe in all reality it hasnt been that long i always want it then there and now with certain things...maybe a wait is whats needed ...i dont see why when i feel so low and hurt.....im also about to bleed 0_o which makes things worse but i need to cry i havent cried i always feel a bit better after i do ...but ugh ..like why do things have to be this way ..... i got an offer to go on the open road ill have work .... do i go ? .... i should go experience shit i want too maybe something will come outta of it fer me that i need and have always wanted..im gonna look fer jobs before i go if i decide im gonna go ......